


黒百合

by PeepMeep



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Series, Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, but yeah tw for emeto and anything else that comes up with this, how is that not a tag on here, its just angst thats it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 11:22:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14259888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeepMeep/pseuds/PeepMeep
Summary: A familiar voice rose in his mind. Three things. Think of three reasons to keep going. His chest was tight and his heart fluttered like a songbird trapped in brambles, but it was what he knew. He would keep going until his job was done or these flowers killed him, whatever came first.





	黒百合

**Author's Note:**

> rinn-crft on tumblr had the idea And I Had to Deliver so here we are
> 
> If you get any tofu (either ? marks or blank squares) while reading those are just little Unicode flowers to separate the scenes they're just there for the aesthetic

“Playmaker, are you okay?”

Yusaku glanced down at his duel disk, where a purple and yellow eye met his gaze. His attention shifted to the hand covering his mouth, clutched there out of instinct; how many years has this been happening?

“It’s nothing.”

“But there’s-”

“I’m fine,” he said firmly. “It happens sometimes when I overextend myself.” He dug into his pocket with his clean hand, looking for his handkerchief. Just because Kusanagi knew didn’t mean he had to give him more reason to worry. The most important thing was discovering the truth about The Lost Incident; anything else could wait.

 

✺ ✺ ✺ ✺

 

Ai was just a tool, a bargaining chip, but he was still too perceptive. Even between the running shower and the walls (and glass case) between them, He could still tell.

“Allergies,” he offered the first time. But of course it kept happening, Yusaku knew this wouldn’t go away until their mission was done. “I have a cold,” he explained, or “the food went down wrong.” And Ai was no longer buying it.

“The pollen count is extremely low today.” “Still? It’s been two weeks.” “You hadn’t even started yet.”

“How would you know how human bodies work?” Kusanagi had food delivered to his house, knowing that Yusaku was feeling worse than usual today and could be just as helpful at home. He eyed the strands of saffron nervously before pushing them to the side of the container; they looked too familiar and were bringing back memories of sharp metal and soft shapes in his mouth.

Ai rolled his eye. “You leave me alone enough that sometimes I get bored and do my own research. There’s plenty of information out there.” He shifted to look more directly at Yusaku. “You know, it sounds like you have-”

Yusaku slammed his fist on the table, causing the duel disk to wobble. “Whatever it is I may or may not have is none of your concern. You could be making yourself useful and helping us track down the Knights of Hanoi, that’s the entire reason you’re here.” He stood up stiffly and turned to leave.

“Yusaku, wait!”

He ignored Ai and went to his room, slamming the door behind him to make a point. He slumped against the door and slid to the floor.

“Fuck,” he whispered. Being alone like this, without anything to keep his mind on, meant he couldn’t ignore the dull pain in his chest. Ever since The Lost Incident it was like this. Therapy helped with the mental scars. There were still nights where he woke up screaming or would hear a sound on the street that would cause him to freeze in terror. But he could now take care of himself, he had a goal, he had a person he could trust.

But still there was that pain there, that wouldn't go away. And they told him, when he was 8, it was Hanahaki disease.

“Who is it?” the doctors asked. Yusaku couldn’t answer, everything was still so numb from the six months of hell he’d gone through. “We can operate and cure you, but when you’re older, it’s too dangerous now.”

Now 16, he was old enough to have these flowers pulled from his body and free him of this slow death. But what was the point? He would live, yes, but why? His future was already taken from him, he knew he wouldn’t be able to love someone, whether they were the source of these flowers or not. The world didn’t need Yusaku and wouldn’t miss him, but it still needed Playmaker. The Knights were still out there, there was still mysteries about the Incident, there were still people hurting from it that could still be helped.

A familiar voice rose in his mind. _Three things. Think of three reasons to keep going._ His chest was tight and his heart fluttered like a songbird trapped in brambles, but it was what he knew. He would keep going until his job was done or these flowers killed him, whatever came first.

 

✼ ✼ ✼ ✼

 

“You won’t succeed,” Revolver said, across the gulf of the playing field. “The Tower of Hanoi will be completed and the secrets of the Lost Incident will be destroyed, just like you and the Ignis.”

Playmaker’s shoulders tensed. “That’s where you’re wrong. One, …” He heard his voice carry in the digital space, but he couldn’t hear his own words. His focus remained on Revolver, who seemed just at unease about his words. While this was a digital realm where he had no connection to his physical body, there was still the creeping dread of what he would inevitably come back to. Already he could imagine the spider lilies and gardenias welling in his throat.

Focus, there was so much at stake in this duel. This was about more than himself, it always was. Rushing to win just to save himself some pain later was selfish. This was for everyone else, those who still had hope for the future.

“Playmaker!”

His head snapped down to where Ai stood at his wrist.

“Come on, let’s take this guy down! Now let’s use that plan you were just thinking up.”

Playmaker blinked. Right, the duel.

 

✽ ✽ ✽ ✽

 

Yusaku fell onto his hands and knees and heaved. Clumps of flowers came up his throat and tumbled to the floor of the chamber. He was aware of the door opening, of Kusanagi joining him by his side, but his focus was only on the sharp pains that tore through his chest each time he retched.

His body shook as nothing more came out, despite feeling petals at the back of his throat, _things_ still in him that had to get out, that didn’t belong there. There was a deep terror within him that screamed for him to run away despite the slightest movement making him dizzy.

“Yusaku.” It was Kusanagi’s quiet voice. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” he lied. He leaned back to sit; Kusanagi helped him.

“I’ve never seen it this bad,” Ai commented, worry evident in his voice.Yusaku’s knees were pulled to his chest and his hands trying to ease the pain in his throbbing head. The AI’s voice next to his ear hurt, the light from the open door hurt, the small part of his mind that could still think hurt.

Thankfully everyone had shut up, giving him the time to recover. Yusaku took a deep breath, despite the pain, despite the disgusting tastes and textures in his mouth.

“I’m okay.”

“You’re not.” Kusanagi nudged him to look up. “These are new, aren’t they.” He held up a dark petal that tapered into a point.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled.

“You need to see a doctor, you can’t keep going on like this.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re only going to get worse.”

Yusaku narrowed his eyes. “We’ve been over this. I can’t stop now, we’re too close, we can’t let the Hanoi go.”

Kusanagi sighed. “I know, I know. Still, I’m worried.”

“Take me home.”

“Okay.” Kusanagi stood up. “Let me get you things to clean up.” He left, closing the chamber door behind him.

Ai took a moment to speak up.

“Yusaku?”

“What.”

“Do you know who caused this?”

He didn’t immediately respond. But now, after all these years, he knew how to answer.

“No,” he lied.

 

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

 

The end was in site. The Tower had sprung to life in Link VRAINS. Already avatars were being absorbed, people were dying. Once he stopped the Hanoi, they would be over. Failure wasn’t an option. Only Playmaker could do this.

Running into Go and Blue Angel was frustrating, but they wanted to help; they wouldn’t let him say otherwise. Still, Blue Angel fell to Spectre. Still, Zaizen sacrifices himself. Still, Go is defeated.

With even more reasons not to fail, Yusaku focused on the speed duel. Despite the truth about Ai, or the raging data storm around them, or the knowledge that he’s already been in Link VRAINS too long. But whatever happened after didn’t matter. He would defeat Revolver, destroy the tower, and then would finally be able rest, despite knowing exactly what that meant.

“Seize the wind, Playmaker!”

Ai’s sacrifice was enough to give Playmaker renewed strength and grab a card from the data storm. He saw the flash of anger on Revolver’s face as he dipped into the winds as well to do the same.

Even after the world froze, after Playmaker set up his board for victory, after summoning his new monster in response, Revolver pressed on. And suddenly he was over, causing both of them to lose and the game ending in a draw, the storm swallowing them both.

 

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

 

“Yusaku!”

The entire world was panic. Kusanagi trying to get him to speak. The base terror of being unable to breathe. The rawness of his throat of flowers and blood and stems and sick and roots tearing through his body.

“Rev…,” he wheezed. “Him…”

“Save your strength.”Kusanagi touched him gently, as if he would break.

Yusaku gulped for air and groaned at the pain coursing through him. “I know who he is.” He dry heaved. “Revolver.”

“Don’t worry about him, we have to-”

“The tower is still there,” Yusaku snapped. “We can make him stop this.” Kusanagi still didn’t seem convinced.

“We can do this without having to go back in.”

This seemed to be enough to convince him. The ride was tense, with too many ticking clocks in the back of their minds. When the mansion on the seaside came into view Yusaku found his second wind.

This would be the end.

 

✾ ✾ ✾ ✾

 

“You don’t understand. I’m not a good person.”

Focus on the duel. The card is mirror force, you have an answer to that.

“I reported my father, and I have always regretted that.”

Your monsters are gone, you can still come back from this.

“Yes, I was your special person. But I will still defeat you.”

Two more turns, he could still turn this around.

“We can’t lose, I have to protect my friends, you understand, right Playmaker?”

The man across the gulf is your opponent, no one else, don’t you dare think of him as someone else.

“Playmaker! There are three reasons why I’ll defeat you and send you into despair.”

Nothing mattered outside of this duel. Nothing that happened before, nothing that would happen after. The only thing that mattered was winning. Even with five monsters on the other side of the field, with his life points so dangerously low, with his hand empty.

“Ai, together we’ll win.”

 

❁ ❁ ❁ ❁

 

The tone of Revolver’s life points hitting 0 rang through his ears as everything went white. As his consciousness returned to his physical body, Yusaku has a short moment of peace before reality came roaring back to life.

Once more his hand found its way to his mouth, but the flowers didn’t come. His chest burned, desperate to expel what he knew was there. He heard coughing, retching, but didn’t feel the relief his body craved.

Small, cold hands pushed against his face.

“Yusaku, look.”

He turned. Revolver, no, Ryoken was only a few feet away, shakily standing on his feet. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and regarded Yusaku. An incomprehensible mix of emotions flashed across his pale face and wet blue eyes.

“How long have you been dying?”

Yusaku wanted to kill him himself, before the orange lilies and yellow camelias had the chance. His own flowers were stuck, they wouldn’t come out despite his body’s best efforts. Whatever strength he had was flagging. He had to act.

“Same as you,” he answered, the words coming out in one long whoosh. Lungs, now empty, burned in their desperation for more. He caught the moment of shock on Ryoken’s face, only then letting his eyes close.

Everything was on autopilot as the base programming of his body tried and failed to do its main imperative. There was still a corner of his mind that he had control of, somehow, even if he lost his grip with flashes of terror from chemical signals begging him to do something to save itself.

He could hear Ai yelling at Ryoken, feel the footfalls on the floor as he walked away. There was the slight pressure of Ai touching him, a momentary distraction from the overwhelming feelings of everything else, until that was all there was, then there was nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> Flowers based on Hanakotoba:  
> Kuroyuri (love, curse)  
> Gardenia (secret love)  
> Red spider lily (never to meet again/lost memory/abandonment)  
> yellow camelia (longing)  
> orange lily (hatred/revenge)
> 
> You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/chasestarb) and [tumblr](http://phektrek.tumblr.com/)! I'm always open for commissions, message if interested.  
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